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So Tired of Busy!

March 14, 2015

 

I am so tired of hearing this phrase, "I am just so busy!"  I am tired of hearing it fly out of my mouth and I am tired of hearing it from others, so I am admitting up front this post is about me too!!!  Here's the deal, too often when we revert to "I am so busy", we are making our busyness someone else's responsibility.  Think about it a moment before dismissing me as crazy!  Consider this typical conversation:

   

     Friend:  "Can you help me with X and B?"

     Me:  "Oh, I don't know.  I am just so busy."

     Friend:  "Do you want to think about it?"

     Me:  "I could get back to you, but I am really busy right now."

 

Never once do I give my friend a proactive response.  My friend is asking for help at the beginning of the conversation and still asking for help at the end of the conversation.  Basically, I have made my busyness my friend's problem because I haven't offered an option of when I could help my friend and I haven't said no and I haven't offered to explore other options.  When we choose to dwell on our own busyness, we stay stuck in our busyness and we introduce guilt into our relationships.  Either my friend feels guilty for asking for what s/he needs or I feel guilty for not being available to my friend.  That simply isn't okay, is it?

 

I am proposing a different approach that I am willing to give a try in my own life.  I want to attempt to banish the phrase, "I am just so busy", and replace it with proactive responses.  Let's face it, we all are always busy, so it really does nothing positive to restate the obvious.  Let's try the conversation again.

   

     Friend:  "Can you help me with X and B?"

     Me:  "When do you need X and B done?"

     Friend:  "I need to finish X by Friday and B can wait until the end of the 

                  month."

     Me:  "I can definitely help you with B.  Let's schedule a time to get that done.  

              I won't be able to help you with X.  Can I support you in brainstorming 

              some options for getting that done by Friday?"

 

I feel calmer and more centered already just writing out the sample conversation!  The reality is we all want to help and support our friends and loved ones whenever we can.  The equally valid reality is we all have many commitments and deadlines in our lives.  The bottom line reality is we were meant for love and relationship.  Calling on busyness to stand in for us works against love and relationship.  Let's all agree we are busy and let's try a proactive approach to making relationship first, busyness second.  Busyness is not in charge of us!  We are in charge of busyness!

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