The first time I realized I was not living in freedom was earth-shattering. I was attending the Fearless Foundation Workshop for part of my requirements in completing my coaching certification. I still wasn’t convinced that I was NOT living a fearless life. When I met Rhonda Britten for the first time, I told her I was fearless and she gently smiled and asked me if I was willing to explore the possibility that I was not living in freedom. I am always up for a challenge, so I told her yes, I was willing to explore and she introduced me to one of her coaches to begin my journey.
That coach was perhaps the most patient soul on the planet for me! I told Sheri I was only working with her to complete my prerequisites because I knew I was already fearless and thus ready to support others in being fearless, now all I needed was the certification to back me up. That dear woman took me on and walked patiently by my side until that moment in Denver until the realization that I was actually living a very fear-filled life broke through.
We were working in groups to figure out what our triggers were in order to learn about how fear was working in our lives. (Hire me and you can figure out this for yourself too! Your life will be transformed forever!) Out of our group, I wrestled the longest with this process. Sheri happened to be my group facilitator, so she knew what I was coming into this part of my journey with—heaps of resistance! One by one each group member arrived at their trigger with tears of awareness and relief. The group kept circling back to me and they kept identifying “weak” as my trigger. I stuck with the process doggedly until I was the last one without my trigger uncovered. It was quiet as the group seemed to be stumped on how to support me in breaking through and then Sheri asked this magical, life-giving question. She asked me, “Why isn’t weak your trigger?”
I exploded with a jumble of emotions and vehemently declared, “Because I am the strongest person I know! My trigger can NOT POSSIBLY be weak!”
All around me my circle of fearless friends lit up with joyful expressions and empathetic relief. I was so very confused as Sheri said, “And, we have a winner. Weak it is.”
What?! How could the very thing I am definitely not be the same thing that keeps me trapped in a life without freedom?
Remember, I define freedom as the ability to fully be seen for all your thoughts, fears, desires, etc. while risking rejection and pushback. Freedom is the space where we are fully ourselves without being controlled by the reactions of those around us.
The trigger is the one thing we live against to prove we are not our trigger. I was the strongest person I knew NOT because I was able to flow with life gently and hold space for people to realize their own truth and to love and be loved fiercely. I was the strongest person I knew because I was living in fear that people would look deep within and decide I was weak and unlovable. If I could prove I was strong no matter what life or others threw my way, I would avoid rejection because I could take “it”, whatever the “it” was.
That isn’t freedom. In fact, that is enslavement to needing to create the perfect image of myself in order to avoid pain.
Here’s the hard truth. Freedom isn’t painless, but the pain it brings is the result of growth and transformation. The pain of freedom is about becoming a deeper, more expansive, more loving, more courageous human being. The pain of fear is about disconnection, hopelessness, confusion, rejection, and questioning our own worthiness.
I choose freedom and that is what makes me strong.