Beautiful is my essential nature. This means when I am my authentic self, I am bringing beauty into the world with what I speak, what I do, what I wear, and even what I think. It goes beyond being beautiful inside and out. It is almost like walking through the world with a paintbrush that turns everything a little brighter and a little more positive.
There is only one problem with my essential nature:
I am challenged in how to embrace beautiful.
I want to embrace it. Who doesn’t want to be the beauty-bringer?! However, all the messages I received growing up accumulated into one big pile of false beliefs that covered up all sense of beauty. False beliefs that told me shining was selfish and bringing beauty was frivolous and being myself was wrong.
I was 32-years-old when I discovered my essential nature through the Fearless Living work. I was both relieved and terrified. Relieved that what I had always felt deep inside might be accurate. Terrified that embracing and bringing beauty into the world would blow up in my face.
My life coach encouraged me to start small. I began with better daily self-care, which builds the foundation for how I go out into the world each day. Yes, lovely smelling body lotion does create attitude! Self-care was also under the radar and a safe practice that didn’t draw attention except for the occasional comments about me smelling great or wearing make-up.
One day, I saw the red shoes. I was drawn to those shoes and at the same time experienced huge amounts of anxiety. After several circles around the shoe department picking up much more conservative shoes for consideration, I gathered my courage and asked to try on the red shoes.
I bought the shoes. Who wouldn’t, right?! They are gorgeous! They are also flashy and frivolous according to the false beliefs I was raised with. The truth is those shoes have brought me and others so much joy as I walk about the world in them.
One Sunday, I wore the red shoes to church with my aunt and uncle. As the service was starting, my uncle leaned over to my aunt and whispered a bit too loudly, “Those are some shoes she is wearing.” That got my aunt and me giggling because my uncle was a shoe repairman and leather crafter by trade. Shoes were his thing and these shoes stood out to him.
My uncle has been gone for a little over a year now and every time I put those shoes on, I smile and think about how beautiful I feel and how my shoe repairman uncle supported me bringing beauty in all forms into the world.