A New Reality, Step 2: Get Negative
You read that correctly. I am asking you to dive into the scary darkness of your thoughts and emotions. Remember, a new reality only comes out of a clear understanding of the current reality. The current reality exists and persists because it is comfortable, second-nature, even normal. That doesn't mean it is positive and empowering.
The best place to start when creating a new reality is the place or relationship on which you are feeling the most negative energy. You know that energy.
This is the energy that declares you are powerless, yet you still fight for power.
This is the energy that declares you might not be worth it, yet you fight to prove your worthiness.
This is the energy the declares you are not enough, yet you do and do and do to prove your are enough.
This energy is not worth your effort, your talent, or your attention, yet until you give it your full attention, it will not change. Too often we believe the solution is ignoring the negative. This is a temporary fix. Eventually that negative energy will seep into other areas of our life, slowly overtaking any positivity and empowerment it can find.
Negative energy stalls out growth and transformation in our entire lives, not just the area being attacked. It causes backward movement because we doubt our own value and contribution to the world. Negative energy consumes the resources we do have for positive change. Negative energy lies to us and convinces us that it is the most important focus for our lives. It taunts us making us believe if we can just focus really hard on removing the negative energy, all will be well, but in the end we are consumed in the fight.
I have a HUGE secret for you: STOP FIGHTING!!! Stop resisting. Stop engaging.
Instead, bring on the positive, the light, the love, and watch the negative almost magically disappear.
1. Get honest with yourself. Where or to what relationship are you putting most of your energy without the reward of empowerment or growth? You pour yourself into this project, this job, this relationship, this ____________ and it is never enough. You may even feel like you are never enough. What is that one area or relationship? Name it. Write it down.
2. What would you rather see in place of this negative focus? It's not as simple as wanting positive change. Give it a name. Declare what you really want more of in life. For example, if your negative energy is being multiplied by a not-so-healthy relationship, declare that you want more love, deeper more meaningful connection, to see and be seen.
3. Remember, the negative energy will shift in small increments. Think of a spectrum. If you are currently at a 1 on the positive scale, set a goal to move yourself to a 3, then a 5, etc. until you reach 10. Write out 3 mindset shifts that will support you in moving out of the negative.
For example, using the not-so-healthy relationship as our guide, first choose one aspect of the negativity you are going to refuse to allow into your life. Perhaps it is sarcasm or gossip or putdowns. Whatever is feeding the negativity the most, begin there and shift that first. Mantras and intentions are very supportive as you begin shifting the energy. Your first mindset shift might be: When I participate in gossip directly or indirectly, everyone loses.
To practice this mindset shift you might have some go-to phrases to use when you are relating with the person who brings gossip. Those phrases might include, "Thanks, I would rather hear that story from her." or "I don't want to hear about everyone else. How are you?" or "It doesn't feel good to talk about that without him present. Let's change the subject."
You may want to write out all three mindset shifts from the start and you may want to practice one and see where that leads. The point is to think in small shifts instead of one giant leap.
New realities are possible in most situations. If you are in a dangerous situation, do not try this. Leave the situation or the relationship, get the support you need, and save the mindset shifts for your healing.